psychoseven's Blog

I sit among the shadows, I exist in a dark black hole corner of my mind; observing the tragedy of my so called life admiring the exquisite beauty.  One by one life keeps dropping bombs, I am in my own personal Vietnam.  Somewhere along my path in this life, I stood at the crossroad, and made the wrong choice; tripping an invisible cosmic wire that sparked a chain reaction that resulted in my complete emotional devestation.

I am still standing, executing my survival. I am at a loss to explain, as I no longer hold all the pieces to my soul or mind, unable to repair my shattered spirit, I am forever beautifully broken.  Devestating and savage in my self destruction, I’ve emerged someone different.

I feel nothing.

I hear songs play on the radio that should have ignited me falling to pieces, yet strangely it only makes the moment more beautiful.

I continue fading into nothingness.

I sit gripping my skull rocking back and forth, growing rabid from the lack of feeling anything.  Lack of pain, lack of fear, lack of emotion…have I become the monster in my mind? The silence is deafening screaming me insane and so I become more silent than the silence.  The stillness of clarity— I am the void, a nothingness of never was.  I can not describe the desperate craving to feel something.  It’s better to feel it all.

It’s reassuring

Like a pulse

A confirmation I still exist, that I am human.

The apathy

is frightening.

sb 2011

I invite you to paddle along with me on a stream of consciousness.  Round and round we'll go...where we will end up? Fuck if I know.

This piece will be entirely artless, lacking in any significant form, just you and me and whoever wants to join in~~~ this world wide circle jerk we all so cheerfully inhabit.

It took seven years of being alone to finally convince myself I was alone.

Seven years ago I had a life that I murdered. It took seven years to convince myself that it was dead.

I was never really convinced myself that it was dead.  I just pretended to myself=lie to myself.....


I am love {ed}. Love is filled with venom.  I am the snake bite.
I am the ghost that has been seemingly haunting your thoughts. I've kissed you in those thoughts a thousand and eight times.

When I was a stranger to myself-- stranger than myself, I would often lie to myself.

Telling myself things like:  I'm kidding myself

Cause you know I am full of shit

I know I am full of shit......

* Surfer. searching for the source
* year of the dragon/scorpio **most volatile/passionate mix
* I murdered my life seven years ago… just trying to find redemption
* Gunslinger—walk the path of the warrior
* Lone wolf {extremely shy & private}
* I was forgotten
* I love books, music, odd & curious things
* Have a teddy bear “Boo”
* Love my firefly and butterfly—-miss them very much
* cruelty offends my soul
* hope to write a novel
* would rather be nude
* In love with a guy who I haven’t seen for too long—wish he’d find me
* I know that monsters are real—- they live inside me
* Would like to teach the world to just groove

Mermaid

I am a fish out of water... a mermaid with combat boots. I am a fighter not a lover.

Poetry

Does the world need poems or poets?

Moonshine

I am here--you are there Everything else is just moonshine


~~~If you have to ask what jazz is-- you'll never know~~~